Sure, they drive you nuts. They step on every last nerve and expect you to thank them for it. But, it's all worth it, right? Children bring so much joy into our lives that we couldn't possibly imagine living without them, right? They are our reason for being; they complete us. Right? Anyone?

But seriously, do kids make us more or less happy? Apparently, it's the latter -- they make us less happy. At least that's the conclusion a number of researchers have come to in recent years. One theory is that because couples are marrying and having children later, they are getting more of a taste for the footloose-and-fancy-free life and the responsibilities of parenthood just don't compare.

While they may very well make us less happy, it seems to me that the easy path isn't always the most rewarding. Certainly, sitting on the couch watching television is easier than climbing to the top of half dome, but which is the more rewarding in the long run? I'll take the blisters and backache, thanks.

When I was single, online matchmaking was pretty much unheard of. There were a few sites where you might hook up with another person (anyone remember Prodigy.com?), but chances were good that person wasn't actually single. Or employed. Or remotely attractive. Things have come a long way since then and online matchmaking is quite popular and for some, very successful. And now, online dating has taken the next, logical step: online marriage counseling.

Created by Les and Leslie Parrot, the same people who brought you eHarmony.com, eHarmony Marriage is a computerized program promising to help couples communicate better, rekindle romance, and resolve conflicts more compassionately. Leslie Parrott is a marriage a family therapist who says that this is the perfect solution for those who aren't quite ready for traditional counseling, but want to improve their relationship.

The program involves each partner answering an online questionnaire covering everything from finance to spirituality. The responses generate a report outlining the couple's strengths and weaknesses and a proposed marriage action plan. "It will reveal where you guys are really strong and where you will find the most benefit if you invest in this area," Parrott says.

As far as the investment, the program costs $150 and takes six to eight weeks to complete. Dr. Parrott admits that online therapy might not be the best choice for couples on the brink of divorce, but sees it as a cost-effective option for those needing to open up the lines of communication.

I tend to agree. Whether you get it from a book, a counselor's office, or online, learning to communicate better is pretty much the key to everything, right?

Back in the days before Eve Ensler, the word 'vagina' was the verboten V-word. Now, it seems, there is another V-word on the horizon that people -- well, guys -- refuse to discuss, let alone think about: the vasectomy. Women have long-regarded the vasectomy as an easier, safer way toward permanent birth-control. Well, it's semi-permanent, actually, because it is a reversible procedure. Men regard it as little more than butchery. Women could get their tubes tied, the men say. Men could wear a condom, the women say. Men say that would reduce their feeling. Women say, well, tough!

But what about the vasectomy, really? Modern medicine would say it is a simpler and safer procedure than tubal ligation. It's also cheaper. There's also a new non-scalpel version on the market (my husband says don't even think of mentioning the words 'scalpel' and 'penis' in the same sentence; it turns him green). The result of unwanted pregnancy after a vasectomy is also low at 1 in 1,000.

It's also a procedure no one is really using. Why? Well, there is the obvious concern that my husband put so well. Then there are the myths that having a vasectomy reduces testosterone, etc. that still float around us like so much hot air. There's also the fear of having a needle stuck in one's weewee, which has been replaced by jet-powered anesthesia.

What about your family? Once you reached the optimal number of children (or no children!) what method of birth control did you or are you employing? Was vasectomy an option, or was it verboten?

Pic by Marshall Astor-Food Pornographer.

I usually work in the mornings when the house is quiet, before the rush and hum of our lives takes over the day, like so many parents everywhere--trying to carve out a few extra moments; trying to keep my hand on the slim thread of my life before there were kids, and peanut butter toast and jam-faces to wipe and milk to pour and now, a puppy to feed and walk, too.

But lately, in these quiet, early mornings, I've had company. My middle son Avery wakes to my softest footfalls, and climbs out of bed just one step behind me. I can hear the door to the boys' room open (Avery is careful not to wake anyone else) and the thump of his tiny bottom as he slides down the stairs. Soon enough he's in my lap, head tucked beneath my chin. He doesn't ask for anything; he doesn't try to stop me. He simply sits in the cup of my lap and falls back asleep, while my fingers plink away at the keyboard on the desk.

This is not what I expected, when I learned I'd be a mom to a child with special needs. It's nothing I could have predicted, based on the books I read or the information we got from the hospital. Back when I was a new mom to Avery, I was hungry for stories about moms of kids like mine. I wanted to be able to imagine our future, but all I could come up with was sadness and adult diapers. I needed help.

One mom writing about her life with her son with Down syndrome is Emily Perl Kingsley. In her widely-read essay, "Welcome to Holland," she uses a travel metaphor to explain her new, unexpected life: she'd been planning to go to Italy like everyone else, but the itinerary changed. Her destination was a different place--not better, not worse, just different. Hers would be a trip to Holland.

"Welcome to Holland" came to me via one of the nurses in the NICU. It was a battered, graying photocopy. Someone had taken the time to add a picture of tulips across the top, and at the end there was a little string of stylized Dutch windmills, more than a dozen marching across the bottom of the page.

At the time, I wasn't sure what to make of such a thing. That the woman writing the essay (Emily) had a perspective to share was clear; whether I would come to agree with it, was not. That the person who created the photocopy wanted to help women like me, mothers trying to find their way, was also clear; how these worn, aged pages would aid me, was not.

This is what happened: I began seeing references to Holland everywhere. All the nurses in the NICU wore a particular brand of shoes--they were clogs. There was, improbably, a reconstructed Dutch windmill just off the highway I traveled each day to and from the hospital. And the farmland windmills dotting the wide, open grasslands (which had always looked to me like symbols of the American prairie) made me think of the windmills of Holland. They, in turn, made me think of a simple children's toy--pinwheels. How could I not have seen all this before?

And the same became true of Down syndrome. I began seeing it everywhere--a lady waiting to cross the street on the corner; a young man pushing a grocery cart with his mother; a baby with a tall shock of brown hair; on television, in the news, in the New York Times.

I've been Avery's mama for 5 years already, and it's not just Holland I see. These days, I'm more likely to notice the man walking with the limp; or the young woman with rigidity in her muscles; or the child overwhelmed by sounds. The causes for such things, or the names for them, are not important to me--what I see is the man, the woman, the child. I see what's different, but I also see what we share.

Even still, I'm sometimes caught off-guard. We live in a 70-year-old log home; its walls are covered with layers of dusty wallpaper that peels from the ceiling in long strips. Each weekend, we tackle another room--scraping, sanding, priming, painting. In the kitchen, beneath the fake-brick wallpaper and the magenta paisley paper, we uncover a pastoral scene: horses, riders, trees, a lake. And at the water's edge? A Dutch windmill, of course, just like the ones on my photocopy.

I hope I would have discovered this way of being in the world on my own, but in truth, I think it's something I owe to becoming Avery's mama. And the thing is, I'm grateful for it. I like my eyes that see. Call it whatever you please--Italy, Holland. I like it here, and I don't want to go back.

Time Magazine recently interviewed an editor-at-large from popular magazine Psychology Today. The topic? Children, and whether or not we're turning our kids into wimps. Hara Estroff Marano, the interviewee, had much to say on the subject of children, and how we raise them. Marano, who is also a grandmother and author of a new book titled A Nation of Wimps: The High Cost of Invasive Parenting, says we are turning our kids into wimps. She says we need to let our kids have bad experiences as it's the only way they learn.

Marano pointed out her research on the college campus, noting that her colleagues commented that many of the students they were treating lacked coping skills. Says Marano, "...they have no idea how to manage the vicissitudes of life." Why has this happened? Well, according to Marano we're worried about our kids being successful. We push them too hard to achieve, and we worry more about branding than experience, focusing on sending them to the best schools, etc., when perhaps the brand name of Harvard or Yale is not what they need. Access to information through the Internet makes everything fleeting and transitional and ultimately obsolete before we can even understand it fully.

Marano also argues, along with much of our nation, that our children are being over-medicated and that play time is not valued as it should be. And, shocker, she feels we're too involved in every aspect of our children's lives. So how to deal? Well, according to Marano, we need to step back, let kids prove their competence, let them play, and make sure we eat together five times a week. I don't know if doing these things will save our kids from being wimps, or if they're wimps in the first place, but she does provide an interesting perspective.

Your thoughts? Do you think we overprotect our children and undervalue their ability? Or is that what it takes to get through this crazy modern world?

Pic by summitcheese.

Has success gotten to Alec Baldwin? Is he ready to throw in the sweaty, tear-soaked towel of Hollywood and make a go of it elsewhere? Quite possibly. Recently Alec, the eldest of the famous Baldwin brothers, took stock of all that has happened to him over the course of the last several years and feels he might be ready to say hasta la vista to Tinsel Town.

Between Alec's never-ending divorce from actress Kim Basinger, the ensuing very ugly custody battle, and some behavior Alec is ashamed to call his own regarding his daughter Ireland (he, uhm, referred to her as a selfish little pig, in case you don't remember), Alec has still found time to act and basically steal a show away from Tina Fey. Now, though, he is reconsidering what it's like to deal with the media non-stop and getting through it all just to act.

According to Alec, who recently spoke to the New York Post (which, by the way does nothing to ease your troubles in the media zealousness area), said that if you have four bad days in four years that is essentially all the public gets of you from the media. He also feels the business has changed and that there are other things outside of acting he'd like to get into. Alec also has repaired his relationship with his daughter and is looking for someone to love. Sounds like someone is having an epiphany!

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I love that I have so many friends and relatives with older kids. My children are all under the age of eight so when my husband and I find ourselves in the company of a nice, well-adjusted young adult, we often wonder what our own kids will be like at that age. Inevitably, we ask ourselves, what did these parents do to turn out such a good child?

Observing other people's older kids has truly informed our parenting. After all, they are the end "product,", so to speak, and we still have time to change course. We see things we like and don't like and adjust our rules or parenting styles accordingly.

With few exceptions, the proof is in the pudding.

This morning on the Today Show I saw an excellent example of this. In an interview with Matt Lauer, Luke Russert, the son of the recently deceased journalist, Tim Russert, demonstrated the kind of poise, good humor and love for his dad that spoke volumes about his upbringing and his parents.

The secret to Luke's character is not a secret. In a best-selling book (Big Russ and Me) and countless interviews he did promoting the book, Tim Russert talked about the lessons he learned and tried to pass on to his son. Life lessons about discipline, perseverance, accountability, and love through actions and words. These were lessons he learned from his parents, from the nuns and priests at his Catholic school, and from the hard-working ethics of his blue-collar community in Buffalo, New York.

I hope you will enjoy this clip as much as I did; I was especially tired today and this interview seemed to recharge my batteries and refocus my day. It was a powerful reminder to this mom that what I do as a parent matters. This family's tragedy and love for each other made me grateful for my own family and for the privilege it is to be with and raise my kids. My children are my legacy. Tim can be proud of his.

To learn more about Rachel Campos-Duffy visit her website at rachelcamposduffy.com.

It's not something I will mourn: the passing of the necktie. I used to have quite a few, but for the last decade or so I've been down to one -- a Dilbert tie still in the package in which my mother-in-law gave it to me. I gave up on ties a long time ago, and now, in a sign that shows I was simply ahead of my time (and not just an uncultured buffoon), the Men's Dress Furnishings Association has closed its doors. The MDFA is or, rather, was the group that, for the last sixty years, represented the makers of all those silken father's day gifts.

So why has the MDFA packed up and gone home? The simple answer is that men don't wear ties anymore. In fact, only 6% of men wore a tie to work every day last year, according to a recent poll. Even the tie makers aren't wearing ties. "Power is being able to dress the way you want," says Marty Staff, CEO of JA Apparel Corp, who showed up to the MDFA's annual luncheon sans tie two years ago.

I do know guys -- dads included -- who enjoy wearing a tie, but they are far more the exception than the rule. And while it will still be quite a while before the tie disappears completely from men's wardrobes, I do think that you might want to reconsider giving one as a father's day gift.

Perhaps it was the end-of-the-school year activities that threw you off. Maybe it was the start of travel baseball, because you haven't had electricity most of the week due to storms.

Whatever your week held, here's a quick and easy, yet memorable Father's Day gift (or graduation or birthday) that can be put together in minutes and is a great way to present gift cards, tickets, or special photographs.

Materials list:

• 2 paper lunch sacks (any color will do)
• hole punch
• string of some kind (yarn, ribbon, shoe lace, even garbage bag ties will do the trick if that's all you can find)
• assorted artwork and photos of Dad

Check out the gallery for the easy peasy last-minute-squeezy directions! HAPPY FATHER'S DAY!

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When I completed the survey I wrote about last week on the subject of "Sex and the American Dad," there was one question I felt I was not qualified to answer. The question asked whether my wife found me more, less or equally attractive compared to before we had kids. Actually, I can't imagine that anyone would find me attractive, let alone a hot babe like my wife, so I just assumed she married me for my Land Rovers. When I asked her, however, she paused and then provided a measured, calculated answer: "More, because you are such a good father." Thanks, dear, you've got my vote.

So I asked a few other moms I know. One mom told me, simply, "I'm too tired to think about that." I can understand that, and suspect a lot of others can too. Having kids doesn't leave a lot of time for adult activities.

Another mom wrote back to say "I find my husband more attractive when he helps with our son, less attractive when he hides out with the computer or TV (you know, general avoidance behavior) while the rest of the house is unraveling." Raising kids is a lot of work and it's definitely easier when you've got two people helping out -- which leaves more time and energy for aesthetic considerations.

It seems to me that the best kind of gift is something that is totally cool but also totally unnecessary. Clothes are definitely a necessity; they're no fun to get. The same goes with ordinary tools-of-the-trade sort of thing, even if they're for a favorite hobby. A new set of screwdrivers, no matter how needed or nice, just isn't all that exciting, even to the serious woodworker.

On the other hand, somewhere, I have a night-vision monocular -- one half of a pair of binoculars that lets you see in the dark. It was a gift from my girlfriend at a time when such technologies were just beginning to become available. I probably used it twice at most, but it was a totally cool gift because, well, heck, we're talking night-vision! You can see why I married her, can't you?

To give you an idea of what makes a cool gift for Father's Day, here are three items I've come across that qualify as really cool gifts, with an explanation of why.

Here's an easy and useful craft idea-a handmade owl that will keep the bird from crashing into the windows and scaring dad when he's hard at work at the office or relaxing at home.

The materials list:

• some sort of base for the owl's face (we used two different colors of construction paper glued to a hunk of cereal box to give it strength, but you could use card stock, poster board, foam paper, or even a painted piece of cardboard)
• two unwanted CD's
• two wiggle eyes
• a piece of string
• glue
• scissors
• embellishments (feathers, yarn, pipe cleaners, more paper, etc) if desired

Check out the gallery to see how we made ours!

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Let's face it--the economy stinks. Or, maybe, we never had any money anyway. Still, we love dad and want to get him something special--or at least useful and not (too) gimmicky--for Father's Day. We don't have the money for the new watch he deserves or the new car he could really use (to haul us around in to our various activities). So, what can we get him that will show him how much we love and appreciate him and that's not another tie or t-shirt without breaking the piggy bank?

Wayne Parker over at About.com has some ideas for frugal--not cheap--Father's Day gifts. I appreciate the fact that this list was compiled by a man. Not that a woman couldn't pick out just the thing for her baby daddy, but there is something appealing about the idea that this man would recommend and possibly actually want--let alone approve of--these choices. I especially like the notion of the baseball cap organizer--I know a dad (massive Angels fan) who could use one of those. Also fun and unique was the secret safe. Who would have thought? My only assumption is that the safe isn't big enough for certain kinds of videos or magazines, but rather for extra car keys and the like. Depends on the dad, I suppose.

Other ideas include buying dad a DVD of one of his favorite movies or TV shows, or perhaps getting him a subscription to his favorite magazine (but not the kind that would go in the secret safe). Honestly, some dads might prefer a gift certificate to Starbucks or Dunkin Donuts or wherever they get their morning coffee/tea. If dad is athletic, sports socks are actually a good gift--they're not cheap, they're very comfortable and they will be used. Pair them with some wrist sweat bands and you're good to go. Get dad a new water bottle to take with him--just make sure it's free of bisphenol-A.

It comes as no surprise to me -- I said essentially the same thing a year ago -- that dads want to stay home with the kids. According to a survey conducted by CareerBuilder.com, thirty-seven percent of working dads said they would quit working to be able to take care of the kids, if their spouse's income could support their family. In my household, that number is more like 100%.

Nearly half of the dads surveyed spend less than three hours a day with their kids on weekdays and more than a fifth of the dads said they get to spend less than two hours a day with their little ones. Sadly, I'm in the former category and I can tell you that it sucks. Sara, of the Work it, Mom site, is surprised by this revelation. I don't know why -- unless you are totally in love with what you do, why would you want to spend eight hours a day (plus commute time) away from your kids, regardless of whether you're a man or a woman?

If school districts suddenly started paying teachers what they're really worth, I would quit my day job in an instant to stay home with the kids. When they were in school, I'd volunteer in the classroom or spend my time keeping house and making healthy meals from scratch. When they weren't, we would be at the beach or the museum or even just the neighborhood playground. And there are a lot of other men who would love to be there with me.

Actress Angelina Jolie claims that being pregnant is great for her sex life. Ms. Jolie is set to give birth to twins in the imminent future in her mother's native France.

Says Jolie, being round and full has given her a lust for life. She also comments that due to her size she and boyfriend Brad Pitt have had to become creative as traditional styles no longer are comfortable. Hence, sex is more fun.

Many women eschew sex in the late stages of pregnancy because it's uncomfortable or they feel too big to be sexy. Perhaps we should take some advice from Angelina. Also, there's no fear of getting pregnant when you're already there! Plus, I've heard sex is a good way to get labor going if the baby is late. Perhaps there is more up Ms. Jolie's sleeve then she is letting on (that's usually the case).

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